I love doing photography because I can control everything. But at the same
moment, I control pretty much nothing. I don't control what locations or
website templates are available or how long my stomach stays full from
the food I feed it. I don't control how big my hands are or really how
fast they can type. I don't decide the weather or the moon or tides or
the sun and stars and most of the time I'm just fine with that--just
fine to enjoy the sun and stars and tides the way they are. As is. Like
the section of the store DI. Large As Is. A star could go there, maybe.
And even if it was dead I would care for it. Even if it was on its last
dying star breath I would want it to know how valuable it was, even if
there are millions of kajillions of other ones that appear exactly like
it. I would want to give that star a voice, let it say the final words
of what it is like to be a star, a dying star on its last star breath,
in the Large As Is section of DI. I would hold it up from the cement
floors, turn off all the fluorescent lights and unplug the array of
dingy lamps, and I would cradle the dying star in my small human arms. I
would sing it things if it wanted, but mostly I would listen.
Mostly I would pay attention, and give that star the decency of someone being there when she died.
And maybe that's what we're all afraid of--dying alone, gasping our last gulp of oxygen without fanfare and just peacing out, unnoticed and unrevived. I don't think we're afraid that no one would care as much as we're afraid that no one would be there. We want holding in those last gulps maybe more than anytime.
Mostly I would pay attention, and give that star the decency of someone being there when she died.
And maybe that's what we're all afraid of--dying alone, gasping our last gulp of oxygen without fanfare and just peacing out, unnoticed and unrevived. I don't think we're afraid that no one would care as much as we're afraid that no one would be there. We want holding in those last gulps maybe more than anytime.
