Thursday, April 30, 2009
I only wish you came with a package deal including a beach no matter my location.
And time to attend, tan at, and swim on the shores of said beach. And people well-versed in beach-ing.
I don't ask for much. Sand, please.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
After two years of college, I think insatiable curiousity is what I've learned. I already can't remember who Aeshcylus is or how to spell his name-but I do know I've spent the past few days of vacation doing nothing but reading. I guess this is how adults have fun? Through these four semesters, I've learned a whole lot about myself, my strengths and weaknesses-they seem so obvious to me now it seems impossible that I didn't know them for always.
When I went to college, my family gave me a pile of great advice: Eric, "If you come home to visit and sleep past nine I will not tolerate it" and Cam, "Don't eat too much cereal." My dad: "The greatest learning you'll do will be outside of the classroom." I didn't get it. I thought I did. I was so wide-eyed and ready to experience the world, I knew I'd discover myself and everything there is to know in the course of a couple semesters. I was in no way prepared for what was to come. I have to stop and stand in awe at all I've learned, yes, outside the classroom. There was learning to love a psycho roommate to letting go of nostalgia, figuring out what a theme is to figuring out what marriage is. A host of other things that filled a whole journal from August 2007-April 2009.
My brother is coming home in approximately 49 days.
When he and I last saw each other, I hadn't even graduated from high school yet.
Now I'm some big-shot college girl with shorter hair, more concrete desires, and stronger emotions? And he's some humbled missionary with hair way too short, unparalleled experiences, and who knows what else? I know we'll slip right back into us like we were before-I think we had to all grow separately, so we can grow together when he comes back.
It's all so unreal to me. Mostly, I have no idea who this person is that sends me one-liner emails and funny English T-shirts from Japan. My best friends in the world have never met him. It's hard to remember that I have. That we've spent seventeen years of life together. How can that be so easily blurred in a mere two years? Same way green grapes turn purple when they become raisins, I guess.
Like, will we still stay up late rewinding our favorite parts of My Best Friend's Wedding over and over, giggling harder every time? Will he still throw up his hands and say "Get over it!" when I ask him for boy advice? Will I still be able to read his eyes and know what he's upset about? Probably, I think. I sure do love him just as much.
I'm babbling, and tangenting. Sorry about that. I guess that curiousity extends to questions about my own self, too.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Got to know a girl really quickly via the bus Thursday.
It was 6:28, and just a Brazillian lady who didn't speak English, a sleeping girl, a mysterious man, and me occupied the 811 Southbound. A few minutes outside UVU, Sleeping Girl awoke with a start and frantically asked the bus driver if he had AC because she was going to pass out. She opened the tiny vents and immediately let us know those weren't going to be sufficient-When Brazillian lady and I realized she was actually about to pass out, we rushed back to her. She wanted water, all I could provide was the bus driver's OJ; she needed to puke, all I could rattle up was the trash can-I felt so helpless, trying to cool her off and help her stay conscious just a while longer until we could get off the freeway.
I've never seen someone pass out before. I was freaking out a little bit.
I rolled up her sleeve and found a bandage wrapped around her arm.
"Sweetie, what's this?"
She mumbled something about plasma. Great. She tried to tell us she'd been donating for years and this had never happened before, that she had eaten and had felt fine and wasn't pregnant. Mysterious Man wasn't ruffled a bit, and Brazillian Lady just kept smiling and saying, " Is okay." "Is okay?" with different inflections.
I guessed that left me.
I called 911 and the paramedics arrived at UVU in time to whisk her off to the hospital. As she was going, she thanked me for my help and I wished her well in getting better.
While we went the rest of the way, I just felt so good. I was so glad I was there to help-and I mean, although it wasn't a life-or-death situation, it was pretty intense! And although I'd prefer the shout-out favorite questions method to the near-pass-out 911 helper method, I connected with 26-year-old Alisha for that moment when she needed me. I love feeling like we all need each other. Because yeah, we do.
Bust it out! You better believe it.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
On campus, I get so frustrated, with all the commotion and bustle and busy. I want to stop people. So I can know them.
I want to know who that girl on her phone is talking to, why she chose yellow gold for her wedding ring, and how many siblings she has. I want to ask the boy with the wonderful shoes where his red hair comes from and how he feels about politics. Who's that little child running around the Wilk? What was the theme of his last birthday party, and can I please read Hungry Hungry Caterpillar aloud to him? I double take at the man in the suit, hurriedly going-I want to know where, and why, and if I'll ever see him again; maybe he's a professor late for lunch, or a frazzled visitor trying to find the JFSB.
I'm tired of seeing face after face that I just have to pass. I want to be able to yelp, "Oh my gosh, HI!" to every person I see-and then we can hug and walk and talk and find out the latest about each other's lives.
Hey, hipster: Is that mustache for Mustache March, or are you making a habit out of that?
hey, girl: you smell delicious-where did you get that perfume? Hey world: I want to know you. I'm no longer satisfied with simply smiling politely or looking up, left, or right to pretend I didn't see you there.
Hey you: I want to know you.
We both have eyes-we know the other is there. Look into mine. Smile and shout out something, anything-"HEY! What's your favorite book?" And I'll yell back, "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by Betty Smith-what's yours?"
We're all humans in this experience together. I want to find what we all have in common. I know you woke up this morning. Tell me what time-how long you showered, what you ate for breakfast. Let's dive right into the color of our toothbrushes and our favorite family vacations, and we'll say, "What? You too?" And hey, how can we not smile, you?
And I don't want to know these things just to make conversation, or be able to unawkwardly say hi to that handsome boy I seem to pass absolutely everywhere every day. I want to connect. I'm tired of these bodies I see swarming the streets of Provo, Utah. They're not inhabitants to color my world and fill it with movement. They've got hopes like I do, families and passions. I want people to be people again, not some disposable accessory I pass, like the plastic palm trees in Yoasis or the fake Fatcats fireworks.
Hey you: I just want to know you. Is that okay?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
It's not even noteworthy. But I adore it. Her, mostly.
claireds12: Brookie? Sent at 1:43 PM on Tuesday
me: oh hi!
are you still there?
me: oh my gosh!
claireds12: Oh my.
claireds12: I am so happy!
me: we're chatting on this thing!
i've never done that before.
claireds12: Where are you?
me: library. submitting my paper for music ed
claireds12: Ooh. Good girl.
me: how's it going?
claireds12: I just realized that I don't have to go to class tomorrow...I am doing very well
me: wahoo!!how was your phys sci test? Sent at 2:16 PM on Tuesday
claireds12: just a sec.. Sent at 2:18 PM on Tuesday
claireds12: ok hi.My test went well. I mean, I got a 73, but somehow I felt great about that!Gotta love science tests. Sent at 2:24 PM on Tuesday
me: good. way better than i ever did.
i'm telling you, you're getting an A.
claireds12: Oh geez. I would love that.I'm expecting a B+ though.That seems to be how I do in science classes here.When are you going to be home?
me: Eh, i feel good about that.
claireds12: It's TUESDAY!!!!
me: probably in a little bit, actually
claireds12: Ha ha ha. I forget every week.
I love that I forget though.
It makes me that much more excited.
me: after i make my weekly stop to the bookstore...maybe Handsome Stranger will be there again:D
claireds12: Yes! Sent at 2:27 PM on Tuesday
me: ohhh i can't wait to see you. do you have a lot to do tonight? Sent at 2:31 PM on Tuesday
claireds12: Not really. I have to watch that creepy silent movie for German.
claireds12: I'm feeling some strawberry shortcake tonight, the Bisquick kind.We have FIVE things of strawberries in our fridge.
I bought two today.
will you teach me how to blog and make things big when you get home?
claireds12: Ooh yeah. I love blogging!
And you get to get paid for it!
me: !!!! i'm so excited!
i'm going to go. I love you, so much. Have a great rest of your time at work-I'll see you soooooon! Sent at 2:34 PM on Tuesday
claireds12: Okay, dear. I love you too.
Good job getting your stuff done.
me: Thanks:D:D Um.I need to tell you something. Sent at 2:36 PM on Tuesday
me: YOU'RE THE BEST.
claireds12: Aah!!I love you! Sent at 2:39 PM on Tuesday
hey, remember when we had that giggling fest last night? Sent at 2:41 PM on Tuesday
Yes, I do.
Yes, I love you.
Yes, I'm smiling now.
me: I am so pleased.
And I am also smiling.
claireds12: Ooh! I love when you're pleased.
me: bahaha! I could never tire of this.
claireds12: Me neither, love.
me: Ah, gee. See you soon
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I don't understand T-shirts with stupid things on them. If you have enlightment that I am lacking on any of the following, please notify me immediately so I can stop judging the people I see wearing these displays of idiocy. Thank you.
1. "I is a kollege stoodent." The moron factor: kids wearing this shirt in my high school.
2. "99% angel"! REally? (This also includes the "Princess" and "Drama Queen" variations)
3. "I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?" A new definition of "dressed", apparently.
4. "Your boyfriend thinks I'm hot."
5. "This is my [insert activity here] shirt." Cool.
6. "I have issues."
7. "[Insert State here] is for lovers". This is the one I legitimately don't understand.
8. "The voices in my head don't like you" blahblah
9. "I can only please one person a day. Today isn't your day, and tomorrow doesn't look good either."
10.Every single one about drinking and farting and falling down and having an attitude and no brain.
I'm glad these are slowly going out of style. I'm rapidly losing faith in the American people.
So if you're curious, this is what I was ranting and raving about from yesterday's BYU Jazz Voices concert. (The sound isn't very good and I don't know why they only film that one girl, but you'll get the idea and HOLY CRAP it was incredible.)
I sat with my mouth unhinged, paralyzed, and the chills would not stop.
I want to do that for the rest of my life-sing and listen to and direct and write songs that do that to people, that is.
I try not to be a music geek, talking about music all the time and thinking about music all the time and being like, "Music is my life blah blah!" all the time-but, confession: I am a music geek. To the core. I've been doing a lot of things lately in owning up to who I really am-and music is such an incredibly basic part of my makeup, like water and oxygen, and I don't care if that's cheesy or far-fetched, music is entertwined and weaved and stitched in me so deeply that it can't be separated from the intangible qualities of Brooke Beecher and I've got to shout about it!!
Nothing else in the world makes me feel as much. It's not just happy or sad-it's the depth that music adds to my existence that I can't ignore.
The ancient Greeks thought of music as its own distinct intelligence, to be weighted as equally as math or science in schools. Everyone has musical ability-we just don't develop it. Musicality can be learned.
But God gives gifts. Inclinations, powers, aptitudes, and abilities. Yeah, He gave me music-I can sing. But moreso, I think, He gave me the love of music. The endless adoration that makes me want nothing at all but to have those chills thrill me for every minute of my small, insignificant life.
Music fills me.
Monday, April 6, 2009
I feel wonderful.
I guess that (now) sums it up. There are lots of efforts behind the feeling wonderful; lots of wonderING, pondering, second-guessing. But I chose.
I'm grateful for agency, for the power to choose. I'm grateful that I've been given a sound mind and the opportunity-and responsibilty-to make decisions for myself. I'm grateful for that now. Sometimes I'm thrown off balance and want to receive a divine manifestation with fireworks and laughing/crying hysteria for every single decision-but I'm grateful for a God who steps in when He knows I need Him, and steps back-but never away-when He knows I need that, too.
I've been seeking change for so long, and almost waiting for it to fall in my lap, although I thought I was doing all in my power. But now I'm ready to step up to the plate-and bring my own bat, if I have to. This tutorial is so magnificently orchestrated. I know I don't get even a fraction of it. But sometimes I catch glimpses. And whoah-it's awesome.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
That makes it real.
When people ask me where I'm from, I want to say "#304!" not Utah, or Washington.
Because the house may be temporary, but our relationships and memories are so lasting, and comfortable-it feels like home to me.
We get in our sweats, and we sweat, and our eyes do too, sometimes.
Those things don't expire with contracts in August.