Thursday, February 7, 2013

Kick and Quiet.

Today the sun was out and I looked out the window all day, feeling inspired and readyready to photograph the whole earth.
I went shopping for springy clothes only to come back with all the dark and black things that were on sale. It's okay. I needed maternity things.
I'm ready to have this baby so I can shop in the regular section again. That seems like a dumb reason to want her here.

She is a girl baby.
She likes grapefruit in the morning and then applesauce, then other fruity things, then sometimes nothing else sounds good but she is still hungry.
She goes KICKKICKKICKKICK really big and then gets quiet for a while. Kind of like her momma goes:a flurry of stuff and then nothing. It's quiet that fills up your whole world if you let it. Sometimes it's nice, and sometimes it is like drowning.

I'm going to be a substitute teacher.
It makes my heart hurt and my head ache to think about it.
But I do what God tells me and He always sends me what I need.
He told me: I'm gonna send good things to you.
I believe Him.
I'm working on the part of me that's kicking hard against believing. There's a lot of room for doubt when your proof pool is a lot shallower than it once was. My faith is spread thin these days and I'm trying to nurture it, bulk it up and make the ends meet. I'm trying to remember that my faith doesn't need to be tied to specific results and is about trusting His will and giving mine up even when it seems so incredibly easy and perfect.
It's really scary to keep jumping into the pitch black dark.
It's good practice to keep jumping.