August 7, 2008

I don't know who's bright idea it was for me to get a blog, because whenever I think about posting I just want to talk about the amazingness of music or the gospel.
Well, here's a little of both, from my journal......

August 7, 2008
Oh my gosh, day one of the cabin has been so fun and has gone by so fast! I love being with these girls, and Claire's family has been so sweet to us.
Kendra and I are giving a devotional tonight, and we're talking about trusting in the Lord. This is something I have a strong testimony of because I have to work on it so much. In thinking about trusting in God I came back to 2 Nephi 22, which talks about trusting and not being afraid because God is our strength and our song. This passage has always had special meaning to me-at BYU I once sang "Amazing Grace" and played an arrangement of mine in church. I had felt comfortable beforehand, but during the performance I got nervous and felt like I lost it. (Sound familiar? AGH.) Nerves have always been a huge struggle for me. I think it's because music is such a part of me and it's exposing my deepest everythings to whatever joe schmo off the street might be listening...anyway. After that performance I was feeling particularly down and frustrated. I flipped open to this passage in 2 Nephi 22: "sing unto the Lord, for he hath done excellent things." I got those crazy chills-the ones where I shudder and shiver with delight and enlightenment. I realized again how much I need to trust Him and be patient in His timetable with unfolding His plans to me. I know that through Heavenly Father's plan and because of the Atonement we can trust without fear, and draw water out of the wells of salvation with joy, that through Christ we can make a difference in the big world and become more than we ever dreamed of becoming. I know that it is only through trusting our Heavenly Father and His purposes that we can be joyful and have satisfaction-the peace crawling into bed at the end of the day, that even though we may not know all the specifics of the path back to Him, we can be content in knowing that He has done excellent, and that He will continue to direct our paths as we let Him. I see so clearly in hindsight how He has done this SO abundantly for me and me life; leading me to opportunities and situations and people that have helped me along in my journey back to Him.
So even though I have absolutely no idea where I will be in a year, or in five, I can rest easy knowing that He is in the details of my life, and that because He loves me more deeply than I can comprehend, He will never let me pursue a destructive path if I'm trying my best.



It never ceases to floor me that a creator omniscient and omnipotent can have room to care about the smallest, most insignificant of His creations. He has "engraven [us] upon the palms of [His] hands"-I want the sum of my life to add up to an engraving of Him on my heart and mind.

He is my joy
and my song-
Every hope of everything sweet and wonderful in my life comes from Him.