Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Freedom.

 

I'm goin private.


I gotta explain.

I WANT all of you to read my words--it is oddly therapeutic to have some total strangers, barely acquaintances, and friends of friends or innocent google-rs reading them. To just feel like I’m getting STUFF out there. I have actually really enjoyed the fact that anyone can access my blog. I don’t find random readers creepy or odd, but rather very flattering.

 

However, there is a very small presence

of a very small one person

who has abused my openness.

I have to be rid of it,

completely.

 

I do not desire to live my life small, but rather to become big

and write with the whole world in my arms. (thanks, natalie goldberg)

To live open to everyone who wants. To give my words away to you, with no second thoughts, regrets.To hope that somehow, my words can help you

to feel something.

I do not desire to share my life behind the confines of a securely screwed-down computer screen,

for I itch for freedom more than anything else in this world.

But I suppose we all make choices that restrict our freedom, even if we do not realize it.

I’m still trying to pick up the pieces.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I just sat for a good five minutes pouting that I have to do this. to force your openness when I am so perfectly content with you being anonymously present. knowing  that some of you will be too shy and too non-committal to say Yes, I read.

I suppose I will have to let go of my therapy and my small, itty bitty influence in your life—wherever that brain that reads this sentence is living.

 

Readers give these words life.

I don’t want to let go of that.

So please, please, PLEASE, send me your email addresses and continue to read,

if you so desire,

whoever you may be.

18 comments:

Lauren said...

Man. I hate when people do that.... Make sure I can still read it :-)

Becki said...

this is a sad story.

Aimee said...

misslittleg@aol.com

yes please.

Breanna said...

brestutz@gmail.com

and

bermudasorella@gmail.com
(Erica Teichert)

We openly blogstalk you.
Sorry you have to do this.

Jon said...

Hm... I guess I could just post my e-mail here. ventura.jonathan@gmail.com

Sarah Lynne said...

Please, please, please pick me!
glued2mypiano@yahoo.com

I love you and your wonderful mind, Brooke.

Camille Lewis said...

i want to read!!

camillelewis47@gmail.com

kendra said...

you KNOW i want to read.

I will email you my email, although I'm sure you already have it ;)

kaylie jean said...

blah blah blah.

you better invite me.

Ash said...

ashleydean7588@aol.com

--another avid stalker.

Kimi said...

keep me in the loop

Claire said...

this is an act of bravery, not of fear-- this idea is currently being pounded into me.

love, i read you daily.
send me yo invite.

Eunicia the Being said...

i too read daily. nieciejones@gmail.com

Rebeccah Louise said...

me. please, please me.
rebeccah.louise@gmail.com

Lyndsi Shae* said...

Look at all the people who love you! Brooke this is great!

I had to do this too once, and I think it's okay... but so hard! You're right. Maybe you can be more free in knowing that the possibility of that one person reading, can no longer inhibit what you write.

And then, this great thing happens.
One day it doesn't matter anymore if they're reading. One day that thought won't inhibit one letter of what you might say.

And then you're free! FREEDOM!

http://lyndsishaedaysanddays.blogspot.com/2008/09/yes-i-do-cut-pictures-out-of-oprah.html

It will come.
I love you.

The Crazy Clawson's said...

brooke,,,,,jaxpot31@yahoo.com
you better invite me....how are you by the way....i love you and miss you a ton

alisha said...

who ever this person is, i do not fancy them. and it makes me sad that good people won't be able to stumble upon and be uplifted by your awesomeness. but, i commend your for going private.

alishaluukia@gmail.com

Paulina. said...

lopezp@carleton.com

please? you're fun to read.