Monday, September 19, 2011


In Vocal Pedagogy today I had more important things to think about. I don't know how to concentrate on the parts of the larynx very well these days.
Even though this is heavy I want it known that I share for the hope that you can empathize because you've felt something similar, and nothing more than that.

Push from a swing I wear a bulky scarf it's life in motion
life that is far more complex than being a music education major at BYU
and being sick to death of it.

There is a difference between real faith
and praising the name of Jesus with lip service
confessing Him your Savior
I feel like puking at the hollowness of that,
just to fill it with SOMETHING.
motion makes me sick; call up a barf bag request;
this girl's gonna upchuck.

My feelings hurt and my eyes pricked with salt, overflowing over and over again.
I am patiently waiting with expectation and faith
In an awful dream I had last night I somehow knew
or kept telling myself something my mom told me
that has stuck in my mind and kept me floating in a lot of rough patches
She said
I know nothing can hurt me
because I have God.
And she said it with real knowledge, because it was really her truth and not just a nice catchphrase with a good ring to it.
In the dream I knew this
even though ones I loved were dead or worse

And now, awake
is where the rubber meets the road; where it becomes a matter of life and death
whether I really believe it.
Whether I join my faith with time and stand solid through any hurricane
Or just passively, passionately preach to the members of my Sunday school class
to pray and trust with might greater than they thought they could muster.

How do you trust when you have to keep stepping through the fog,
keep running at a snail's pace over snaking branches set up to trip you up
keep tromping through the thickness