babblings of today

everyone grows up so fast, changes so quickly-i just want to be able to look back on my life and say that i didn't waste it away, whatever the lame excuse may be. i was talking to my dad tonight and he was just saying that we shouldn't suffer through things because we feel like we have to do them, whatever-that's not what this life is for. i'm beginning to realize how wide open the world is to me at this point-i can do anything i want! i don't have to go to school or work or anything else, for that matter. but i have chosen a path that i feel good about, and while there's nothing wrong with exploring alternatives, i think i can manage everything. some things are going to suffer for the next month or two while i get this whole major thing sorted out. i just don't know which things to let slide, what can wait...
the other thing i've been having doubts about is being a music ed major. i don't want to do things classically for four years! i want to do music the way i want to do music. i've just figured up to this point that i'll do things byu's way for a while and then i can do it my way, but there's always the fear that i'll never get that opportunity and it'll all be wasted. but nothing excites me more than planning lesson after lesson of music, all kinds of music, to change the lives of students from every walk of life. i never tire of planning my opening remarks for day one of every school year, or analyzing what lauryn hill pieces i'm going to assign. the insane excitement of those thoughts makes it worth it to me for now.
non-cohesive babblings. sorry to give you the raw version...