Monday, April 19, 2010

Faith on your hands

AK8573-001 A few days ago I was homeless for a few hours.

We packed up all my life in little boxes and filled the van with my bulletin boards and that one picture that has no frame and was once in my bedroom when i had a flowery bed. my books are thrown together with my blow dryer. i’m wearing nasty flip flops and a gross outfit that is called moving out outfit. my life is mostly up in the air but the remains are in a suitcase and take the form of shorts and floaty shirts.

the van is filled, and two girls desperate to sell their contracts are giving me awesome deals. i’m standing on the street by the van and we’re just going to pick right this minute where the contents of this car and my life for the next four months are going.

what a cool feeling. like you’re standing at that diverging point in the woods robert frost knows about. you, in your own small way. blinking into the sun having no idea where you’re going, and being totally free to decide.

but i can’t really revel in it too long because i have to make a decision, like the stuff is in the van and dad is waitin for the word, sweaty and ready to get back home, you know!

eenie meenie miny mo, it comes down to this. (mom’s suggestion. genius. YES!, I say. Eenie meenie miny mo always helps me know which option i really want anyway!)

MO! I land on the wrong one.

But these paths are looking pretty much the same amount of appealing and I feel like it doesn’t matter much anymore. I’ve already lost robert frost’s glittering mind, somewhere on the trek down university avenue. all i can think about is how dad is ready to go and i have to choose something hurry up choose your life.

Mom is amazing again and we pray together, she is supporting me and I am never going to give this woman up i tell you. I say the words of the right choice as soon as we say amen without even thinking, and i feel like i should tip my hat and stroll back inside the cramped van beside the floor lamp and have some epic music to play as i continue my journey.

we pop back in the car and i say out loud to these apartments, sorry, you didn’t get choosed. i think inside about having faith and developing it and how God is always helping me in these crazy things.

God helps us make decisions always that are important even if we feel silly for the way the end up happening. duh i should have known forever ago where i was living for spring. and i just wrote down random numbers from that gigantic board full of reduced prices and exclamation points. but He knows me, and I am making my efforts to know Him so help is near and always, i have decided, always,

I JUST WANT TO LIVE WITH FAITH ON MY HANDS.

I got out of bed and wrote this by light of my cell phone it was so important.

I just want to live with faith on my hands.

no blood and no glory and only faith and belief. it’s a beautiful armor and glitterier than robert frost.

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