Friday, April 2, 2010

Turn The Page

the thing i love most about every day is the sky.
i crane my neck and allow holes in my eyes to look at the sun, if it's peeking itself out.

i want to invite it to stay, even if it hurts.

the sky was all things i am today: gray cloudy, puffy cloudy, bright blue and clear---ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
and then there was the breathtaking part
that was in the west and the little mountains in that distance were snowy on top but i didn't mind because the shine was falling down on them and
it reminded me of highways on the way to california
in december

people who see me walking when i'm wrapped up in the sky think i am totally, totally weird. but maybe it makes them look up for a minute, and think, yeah, i guess that is cool.
oh, yeah, i guess that is cool.
i guess it is cool that we really, really care about each other. that we just wanna understand.
i forgot what it's like to talk on the phone but it feels good even if it's different.

and with the sky it feels like heaven is close, even if it's just a bunch of clouds.
"keep being open, but don't freak out if you feel like nothing is coming," i wrote to myself.
i give myself a lot of advice lately. we're all learning inside this one body together.

the sky had to drain itself out these past few days and i hated it. looking up at wispy stretches of gray nimbus clouds is not inspiring and i was upset.
but we all have to do our soul work, no matter how unglamorous.
even if i forget my so few school assignments. even if i want to pop away on a rainbow colored magic school bus.
i have to deal with drainage.

"don't get puffed up so you're impenetrable," i wrote to myself. "drain all that excess water out of you and let God fill you up."
it always comes around back to this same circle of things. we all have our own circle of things that need repeat processing, digesting, draining.
but the sky teaches me that's a good thing. it eventually has to rain.

Brennon: "I just really want someone to snuggle with."
Me: "Well, me and mom will be available to snuggle soon."
B: "Nooo, like, at night while I'm going to sleep and stuff in my bed."
Mom: "Well, you'll have to wait until you're married for that."
B: "uggh, I KNOW. it's just such a long time! I can't wait for that."

Forecast: Wind. What will happen? Turn the page.
---> Blow, wind, blow!
Sometimes the wind is very light. This is called a breeze. Sometimes there is a strong wind. This is called a gust. Sometimes the wind is so strong that it lifts up houses! That kind of wind is called a tornado.
---> I will fly a kite. My hair will blow. I will watch the trees blow.

But don't worry, because this page, in the corner, says:

Forecast: Sun.

What will happen?

Turn the page.

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