I think we most often do the things we swore we'd never do unintentionally. Realize after the fact that we've broken those promises we make to ourselves in the confines of our little minds, willing ourselves to not. Thinking of not doing it is still thinking about it. But how do you stop the torrential flood? What do we have for that? Telling things to stop, words to our subconscious selves.
If you allow the wall to crumble, the barrier is gone and the feelings free float like soap bubbles from the sink and flitter off to do the damage you were trying so, so hard to prevent.
Trying is not enough. Our capacity to stop ourselves isn't enough to counteract that other capacity we have to damage. The capacity not only to let walls crumble, but to crumble them-intentionally or unintentionally. The capacity to poison with the soap we try to rinse ill-speaking mouths with, to break those fragile bubbles into falling suds. Accumulating in film on the gritty floor, and in letting things slip we let the others slip we were trying so, so hard to buoy up. Our capacity for doing is so much greater than our capacity for fixing-what do we have for that? "I'm sorry." I'm resolved to invent something stronger and better and with a greater capacity to undo the damage we innately have the ability to do.
Why do we have so much power to destroy and so little to repair?