Friday, June 5, 2009

Forget being a Mary Kay consultant.

I wish DI wanted to pay me to advertise for them--because I totally would. Will.
My entire outfit yesterday cost me a grand total of $11. And it was cute.
I'm adoring my thirtyseven new pairs of shoes, although the zapatos I am currently wearing are full of weird yellow sand. It's a package deal. You pay four dollars flat for these amazing shoes, and they thrown in weirdyellowsand as bonus. Thanks, DI.

If I were the spokeswoman of DI (and this is a real possibility, because why would they not want me? Plus I am cooler than all those little stick figures drawn around the globe) these would be my selling points:
1. DI has a very distinct odor, that is unpleasant only until one arrives at the blazer round

2. Which is brimming with mounds of shoulder pads and conspicuously large circus pants.
a. and crushed velvet jewel encrusted numbers that warrant a separate trip to show your co-workers.

3. You can buy books for like, 50 cents. I cannot stress this one enough. Do you know how much fifty cents is?

4. You can also buy a sweet comforter/picnic blanket that you can wash with a sweet floral dress that Claire apparently had in the fifth grade that can be also washed with a five dollar beach towel from Wal Mart which will leave your sweet comforter and floral dress covered in sticky pink lint growth. Stupid Wal Mart.

5. They have the most excellent selection of wedding dresses. I am considering making a wedding blog entirely devoted to DI weddings. Like DIY, but only DI. I understand if you want to be involved.

6. You can go there during work to buy supplies for your commercial.

7. And you can find THIS lovely, lovely...item in the process. This is the most convincing reason of all. Because it is magic, at the low, low price of $4. This is the tops, darlings. I am telling you, there is nothing better in this world than what you have just witnessed. Except for maybe putting on the Magic yourself...which can be arranged, probably.

8. There are jewelry cases, with LOCKS. For the 75% off $4 collections, of course.

9. THERE IS A GLADYS NIGHT CD FOR $1.00. My favorite track, currently, is "Good Morning, Heavenly Father."

10. All the workers wear those incredible maroon vests, so official. Maybe if my gig as a spokeswoman doesn't work out, I will consider employment so I can obtain one of these vests.

I will be posting pictures of these things of beauty I have described to you.
Feel free to tell me what a great DI representative I would be.


Claire said...

The comforter draped over the banister has almost made me faint on multiple occasions. Its coral, cushy hugeness is absolutely terrifying in the dark.
If I needed to be convinced of the wondrousness of DI, I would listen to you. You convinced me even more.

Rebeccah Louise said...

i have recently taken to only buying purses and sunglasses at DI.
I can promise you.
Those purses will not disappoint you.

And you WOULD be a good spokes person.
After reading this I REALLY want to go.